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Birthday Songs

by Matthew Thornton

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1.
HBD Bethan 02:10
Well it seems you made it, this stage of the race is run You finished a particularly strange trip round the sun You kept some decent company with Dotts and Jonathan And some kitties who now floof around in sweet kitty heaven Happy birthday Bethan You’re one year nearer death and May the Celtic God Amaethon Help your garden persevere Happy birthday Bethan, all lift a glass with no ethanol And take a long deep breath in All will toast the coming year You read a bunch of sci fi and you taught geography You Exercised your green fingers horticulturally You drank up some Ribena, at least that’s what I’m told And somehow Johnny living with you hasn’t yet got old
2.
The spacey choirs herald him, Behold him if you dare Shrouded in his coat of white Be humbled by His lock of ghostly hair Curly great one hear our prayer All hail Great Quail Lord of the fly Deciding if You are to live Or if you are to die With wand of doom he smiteth those He deemeth don’t belong So harken to me larval child And hear my celebrat’ry hymnal song Lift proboscis, sing along
3.
Granny Val 03:11
If ever you’re feeling low If ever you need a pal My mother’s mother delights like no other The loverly miss granny Val Sometimes the world is dark Bringing down your morale If you’re feeling drab you should go for a gab to The fabulous granny Val Such a fine day to be charming As the woes of the world lose their sting So do be a mensch, fetch one more gin and French After all a bird won’t fly on one wing If you want a seaside stroll Then go to the sea we shall The world is a funland, just me and the sun and The one and only granny Val Such a fine day to be disarming There’s no problem we cannot surmount Make good use of your youth top that up with vermouth Don’t you know that it is vulgar to count Hopefully soon we’ll go To walk in some grand locale We fear no blunder, my cares torn asunder, By wonderful granny Val So leave the furore, and go hear a story, From glorious miss granny Val
4.
Ellen 03:55
At first we didn’t get along, I gotta admit I was put off by the way you didn’t put up with my shit And I annoyed you cos I'm noisy and a little bit Rude But when you married my brother, on your wedding day And we got outside the courthouse and it started to rain Without skipping a beat “Isn’t it Ironic” you say And I knew Oh Ellen I’m buying what you’re sellin I couldn’t ask for a better in-law it’s true With a goodness of heart that puts Mandela to shame And a multitude of smarts packed inside yer brain There’s no tellin’ What Ellen Will do You got mad levels of organizational skill You won’t forget any birthdays though the rest of us will While you dole out facts that make me feel like I’m still In school I can handle little bit of pedantry You know it’s all part of the Thornton Pedigree When push comes to shove any dummy can see You rule
5.
Good Feeling 02:42
Let me try again to explain I’m not great at the romantics Oxytocin up in my brain And my heart doin’ acrobatics Giving me a notion I cannot misconstrue That I’ve got a good feeling about you There’s something magical when you sing And you think that I can’t hear you You show me beauty in everything Every time that I am near you Come over and subsume me Wear me like a shoe Cos I’ve got a good feeling about you Let’s help each other up every rung It’s within a lover’s remit The world’s a fiery bag of dung Only love can best redeem it Every touch important Every moment true And I’ve got a good feeling about you
6.
I used to walk the streets of Edinburgh Tryna scrape a living outta sellin my wares Wond’ring if I’ll make enough for rent I could really use a hand from the big man upstairs Dreaming of distant shores Knocking on people’s doors Singing Do you wanna buy any blenny? Why not mister try out some trout You wanna take some of this premium hake? I can’t go home until I run out Be a friend and snap up some snapper Maybe bargain a bit for this bass Put a smile on my face and purchase some plaice Don’t you let this opportunity pass It was another slow day slinging Newington residents leaving me poor Til I came to a house on mentone A handsome fifty something man who opened the door Took one look at my stash And started just throwing out cash Singing Yeah I wanna buy all your blenny I wanna try out some of that trout Wanna know what I’ll make of that premium hake I’ll get so much that I’ll never run out Set me up with some of that snapper I bet that bass is tasty as hell Though my fridge has no space, I wanna piece of that plaice Guess I’ll buy another freezer as well And now I’m all retired in Rio Sipping caiparinhas on the tropical sand Raising up my glass to that one man who seemed to want to buy every fish in the land Chilled out in Guanabara bay I can hear the fishermen say Mister, do you wanna buy any blenny? Why not mister try out some trout You wanna take some of this premium hake? I can’t go home until I run out Be a friend and snap up some snapper Maybe bargain a bit for this bass Put a smile on my face and purchase some plaice Don’t you let this opportunity pass
7.
Dr Max 04:54
This man is in distress I’ve never seen him so dour He just can’t get his head around The nature of knowledge and power Is there anyone to help him I just wouldn’t know how We need a professional Somebody call the doctor now (Paging dr max) Make way everybody The theologian is here I think Foucault has a few co-gent things to say Go read Surveiller et Punir This person’s in a bind They can’t make head nor tail Using reason or passion to understand the world Either way they fail Is there anyone to lend a hand So many questions needing fielding I’m ill-equipped to understand Is there a doctor in the building? (Paging dr max) Stand aside everybody I’ve preconceptions to crush Some Derrida will merit a look I believe And this 20 minute song by Rush So many people in need of deeper thought So many patterns learned were never taught I may not cure your aporia You'll probably never find all the answers you sought Bound up in a spiral dance What’s up with this technology Could someone help by any chance Show how it shapes identity Paging DR Max I have a word or a few thousand to say This deserves exploration In work of my own it is shown how these things interplay Go read my dissertation
8.
For Mum 03:55
Six years old I tumbled From my bike onto the road You picked me up and wiped away Each teardrop as it flowed In the bath you picked the gravel Out of both my knees and hands You fixed me up and held me Like only a mother can Heartbroken at a party I lay my feelings bare My friends walked me home weeping And left me in your care As I sobbed upon your shoulder More a child than a man You gave me consolation Like only a mother can When the deafness of a callous world Brings me crashing to the ground I remember that you told me Don’t let the bastards grind you down As I look back from a distance I knew it all along You’d do your best to keep me right And steer me clear of wrong If I couldn’t find direction You would help me make a plan From a place of love and safety Like only a mother can

about

"So we're all getting personalized birthday songs now, right?"
"Guess I have no excuse"
"You've got about 6 weeks until Jonathan's birthday! It's the big 3-5 so it needs to be spectacular"
"And just under two hours to Bethan's"

I present the resulting schizophrenic collection of songs for your perusal. Below are the artists who inspired each song.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
1. HBD Bethan - This one owes a bunch to Greg Brown
2. Lord of the Fly - Rush and Magma, a song from the perspective of the mosquitos at my brother's lab.
3. Granny Val - inspired by our mutual love of Ella, Louis, and other old-school vocal jazz
4. Ellen - rip-off of a Sufjan song, but whatever he didn't invent oscillating between the subdominant and the submediant (please don't sue me Sufjan)
5. Good Feeling - Andrew Bird meets Brad Barr meets Goat Rodeo
6. that time dad bought all the fish - Steely Dan
7. Dr Max - it had to be Peter Gabriel
8. For Mum - yoinked the groove from a Theo Katzman song

credits

released July 12, 2021

All stuff done by me, except Max who did a flute on "Granny Val"

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Matthew Thornton Massachusetts

Weird guy seeking fulfilment through noisemaking.

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